And the Assclown award goes to…
Yes I know I said I’d slow down on the assclown awards this year… but I just couldn’t hold it in any longer and we have our very first ASS CLOWN of 2007! Congratulations Peter Daras! But this time it’s special… you get a 2 for 1 this time… In a close second place is Andrew Medina! So without further ado…
Now I’m going to be using some big words if you boys are reading this… so I’ll go ahead and include the definitions when I use the big words…
Main Entry: emas·cu·late
Pronunciation: i-’mas-ky&-”lAt
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): -lat·ed; -lat·ing
Etymology: Latin emasculatus, past participle of emasculare, from e- + masculus male — more at MALE
1 : to deprive of strength, vigor, or spirit : WEAKEN
2 : to deprive of virility or procreative power : CASTRATE
3 : to remove the androecium of (a flower) in the process of artificial cross-pollination
synonym see UNNERVE
- emas·cu·late /-l&t/ adjective
- emas·cu·la·tion /-”mas-ky&-’lA-sh&n/ noun
- emas·cu·la·tor /-’mas-ky&-”lA-t&r/ noun
So I suppose a quick bit of information is probably a good idea I mean… you can’t just put someone on notice and not explain why…
So people often ask me what it’s like being a SEO Consultant? Usually it’s a lot of fun, however from time to time you do run across some very unsavory characters…. So here’s the skinny… I’m contacted by Peter to provide SEO Consultation for his website (where he screws all of his dealers out of cash by breaking a contract that they have all signed, but we’ll get into that a bit later) Back to the Consulting… Well after bidding out the job and being told that he’d have a bit of work done (PPC program adjusted, and a directory submission package)
So a few months after everything has been completed I get a call from a crazy woman yelling and screaming bla bla bla (normal crazy woman speak) When I tell her she’s obviously called the wrong person… and that she’d best be stowin it… Who picks up the phone and says “you can’t talk to my wife like that!” And you Guaranteed me 1st place rankings on GOOGLE! I was somewhat surprised to find that it was a very emasculated Peter Daras on the other end of the phone…
Now this is where I got a bit peeved… First of all I NEVER guarantee 1st place rankings although several of my clients do enjoy 1st place rankings - I never guarantee that, as I do not have the recipe for the Google Algorithm and I even say on the front page of neo1seo.com that…
Most often, SEO companies and “consultants” that use spam methods can be detected by their slogans: they “guarantee” you a top-10 or a top-5 placement, in many cases without even specifying that the rankings will be obtained for the keywords you target. It is well publicized by many untrustworthy SEO’s that rankings are cheap and easy to get. That false conviction and the expectation it generates forces some SEO consultants to offer a guarantee of top-5 rankings. This, in turn, puts pressure on all other SEO providers to speak about similar guarantees, in order to remain in competition.
Such guarantees are misleading in principle. Top rankings can’t be put on a schedule like an advertising buy. Search engine’s organic results are not for sale, and this is exactly what helps them continuously remain popular: that which cannot be bought is trustworthy.
So that’s where he went wrong, in the second place I let him know that he never hired me to optimize his site, he has duplicate content on every page of his site, and that’s the only content that he has! So it’s hard to rank when your site is teh suks!
Now I would never call out a client… but because we never signed a contract (which is the reason that Andrew Medina is also part of the assclown award today) He originally contacted me by email saying that he was Peter’s Attorney… looked over my contract and made a ton of changes… called me, wasted an hour of my time… and then says “oh I should probably mention… I’m not actually an attorney, I’m peter’s accountant.”
(very professional IMO to impersonate an attorney)
That being said I’ll continue on w/ my marathon post… The main reason I wouldn’t work with Peter and his bunch of winners… is because they are a Wholesaler out of Florida… No big deal right? Well they sell cabinet hardware, kitchen sinks etc… Wow what a coincidence my Step Dad and his brother own “The Kitchen Place” and they actually buy from Peter as a wholesaler! Small world! Well then comes the kicker…. Peter says “Now if anyone I wholesale to finds out that I’m selling online under a different name I’ll be in big trouble!”
If that’s the case do you really think it’s a good idea to try and hire me even after I say my family is in the kitchen business? What an Ass Clown I mean really… how dense do you have to be? Oh and what a blessing that you had your Accountant / pretend attorney decline to sign any papers like the Non-disclosure agreement! LOL!
I honestly hope that everyone you wholesale to, that your trying to screw over, finds a new supplier… you are not only a crooked businessman your also the first n7v AssClown of the year! Way to go big guy!
Now that’s a look at some of the crap you have to deal with when your an SEO Consultant… complete and total idgits! But it is nice to be able to say NO I will not work with you, for you, refer you to anyone, etc… And I do have to say that for everyone of these types that I have to deal with I get to deal with 50 AWESOME people and that’s what makes my job one of the best in the world!
NeO
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